Enough

Another one of those marvelous words in the English language that’s versatile in its use, depending what you put in front of it, or behind it.

“I’ve had enough/enough of this.”
Basically the thought at the beginning of this year. I had enough of not living the life I wanted/was meant to live, enough of hiding in the shadows for fear of being noticed and disapproved of, enough. Something had to give, and it did. The thought “this is not the life I want to live”, sparked a chain of steps, opportunities, flows, rides, … It’s been quite a ride so far, not all of it fun, not all of it effortless, but different than before, it is happening naturally, effortless in the sense that the steps almost take themselves, because now is the right moment to take them, to feel better about myself, to take better care of myself and work on both my health and my physical condition, on my wealth and growth, …

“I have enough”
Different from the previous statement, this is actually an opening statement. Whereas “I’ve had enough” draws a line and closes a door, “I have enough” actually creates space. It frees me from the lack mentality and draws me out of my isolation. I have enough money to buy food and pay my bills, I have a house, a car, furniture, heating, electricity, a computer, … more than enough stuff, more than a lot of other people have. I have enough people around me that care about me and accept me. I have enough air to breathe. I have enough to make me feel happy. And while more keeps coming to me every day and in every way, I can say I’m not lacking, I have enough.

“I do enough”
As I’m still in the process of making positive changes in all areas of my life, it’s sometimes difficult to feel that I’m doing enough. Am I doing everything I can, or can I do more? Should I be doing more? And in those moments of doubt, it’s good to have friends that remind me, I am doing enough, I am on the right track and taking the right size of steps. I’ve done the bigger, the more and it always ended with giving up, because I couldn’t sustain the pace. Now I’m wiser and remind myself that what I do is enough and when the time is right, I’ll do more, but for now, one step at the time.

“I am enough”
The phrase isn’t new, but it’s starting to resonate more now. With all the work I’ve been doing the past few months (personal transformation work, not “work work”), I feel less the need to be perfect in order to be accepted or appreciated. While I’m still a work in progress, I am currently good enough, while I may not appreciate everything about my appearance, I am pretty enough. I am strong enough to take life head on. While there is still room for improvement, currently I am healthy enough.

I do my best, and that’s enough.